Posts Tagged ‘rant’

Ground Zeroes? More like Ground Zero content, am I right guys? …guys?

I don’t think I can remember the last time I was genuinely this pissed off with a game. But the lack of content here just isn’t acceptable in any way shape or form. STOP defending it.

All footage is owned by their respective owner… etc.


Hey I didn’t realise the Gears of War 3 demo was already out? Oh wait no it’s just Quantum Theory.

That’s what I thought the moment this game started: “Wow….it’s a Gears rip off” and from the demo, it’s not a very good one. Now before you jump the gun, I’m not calling it a rip off only because it’s a cover-based shooter, but it’s just the overall art style. It LOOKS like a cheap Gears of War knock off, hell even the cover icons look similar.

Quantum of War? No wait it’s Gears of Theory! No no it’s just Quantum Theory.

Anyway with that aside is the gameplay good? No it really isn’t, the controls feel clunky, cover doesn’t seem to really work all that well and the graphics are just an ugly mesh.  There’s also this strange thing with enemies, most of the times you land a hit on them they fly backwards. This is mainly a problem when you’re trying to kill an enemy quickly (since shit is flying at you constantly).

Then there’s this combo system, which seemed promising, whereupon you literally throw your sidekick (or she’s his enemy…or not…then is) at the enemy where she will then smack them in the chops with her sword. Now this sounds like a decent idea on paper, you hold down the L2 button to initiate it. Now I thought that I would then be able to aim at a target and launch her at an enemy, buuut this wasn’t the case for me. Plus I have to stand there like a moron while she flies through the air….and usually get riddled with bullets…or lasers or whatever!

Wow that looks cool! Reality on the other hand can be a bitch.

Now I know that I haven’t spoken about the storyline accompanying Quantum Theory, but to be perfectly honest I had no idea what was going on. It usually doesn’t help when the background music is playing louder than the characters narration, I couldn’t hear anything he was saying… It probably doesn’t help when the main character has the stereotyped gruff, deep voice. You know, because it wasn’t enough like Gears of War.

Seriously if this game is actually a parody of the genre that it’s a fucking work of genius! If it IS trying to be serious then it will probably fly so far under the radar no one will ever know it was released.

Soldier: “Oh god it’s the reject from team Alpha, Meaty McMusclearms!”

Hell I’m probably being pretty darn harsh. Most of my complaints with the controls and such will hopefully be tweaked by the time it get’s released. But remember, there are much better games in the genre on both the 360 and PS3! You have been warned!

Another week, another episode of Season 6 of Futurama. The people who know me, know my views on the new series of Futurama.


Now for the record I LOVE the original 5 Seasons of Futurama. But guys…this Season…it’s not good. And that’s hard for me to say, there have just been too many problems with this Season. For starters how’s this for a joke: Leela has a boil on her arse cheek that can sing, so guess what she called it! Susan of course! Because then her name is Susan BOIL get it? I’d expect that from a 12-year-old.


For those of you who haven’t seen the films, Fry and Leela are now together, but there’s a major problem concerning that in this series. Now I don’t know if this is just poor writing or what but at times it seems as though they forget they’re an item. For instance last weeks episode. The Planet Express crew decide to go to a nightclub, Leela says to Nibbler and I quote: “I may not have a man but at least I have you”…..LAST WEEK THEY WERE KISSING AND EXPRESSING THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER….how do you fuck that up?! I just want some consistency guys.

So are they still together or what?

So what was episode 9 like?

Well, it was perhaps one of the worst yet. It was just plain boring plus the subplot between Zoidberg and Cubbert never really got anywhere.

To its credit the episode did get straight into the plot (that’s not saying much folks). I will say one good thing, the Flying Spaghetti Monster makes an amusing appearance. Sadly no Raptor Jesus

All hail the mighty Raptor Jesus

This episode involved the theory of Evolution and people dismissing it blah blah blah!

Just like episode 7 the entirety of the plot was as predictable as a wrestling match….after you’ve already seen it! As soon as Bender mentions “robot evolution” it’s obvious to anyone not suffering from brain damage that this will in fact take place at some point.

So good ol’ Professor Farnsworth get’s angry that someone disproves some boring, non-amusing, theory and in turn sulks away to a unknown planet.

While purifying a small lake with nanobots, Farnsworth discovers they are evolving rapidly. In fact within 24 hours there are metallic tree’s, robot loch ness monsters and dinosaurs. Now these become extinct when an electromagnetic comet type thing blows and they all die. Get it?

So every 24 hours they evolve some more, there are more lame jokes. Until the robot’s have evolved to human like intelligence whereupon we get a recreation of a scene involving Farnsworth about evolution.

So the robots evolve again into bodiless entities who dribble some bollocks and fly away. The Planet Express crew then leave and that’s pretty much it.

So another week another terrible episode of Futurama, like South Park I think this series has run its course. I can only hope that they finally end it after this Season so that the name is not tarnished any further.

Fuck this Season.